Dear Parents

December 15, 2012

I know we are all walking through this day with broken hearts, treasuring our children, grieving with those closely affected by the tragedy, longing for a safer world.

In the wake of the shootings in Connecticut, it will be good to gather in community tomorrow, but as a parent you may be concerned about what your child will hear from his/her teachers and peers. Those of us with younger children may be shielding them from learning about this terrible incident, if we can. If we have older kids, we are struggling to limit their exposure to the news, respond to their immediate questions and fears, and reassure them of their safety.
This is our plan for our children and youth tomorrow morning:
  • In classes for children up through 3rd grade, RE will run as it does normally. Teachers will not raise the topic of the shootings. If a child brings it up, teachers will respond compassionately and gently move the class along to another topic. Teachers will let parents know if anything was brought up by the children during their class. Parents are always welcome in our classrooms, so please know you are free to join your child's class tomorrow if you'd like to be nearby.
  • Our 4th-12th grade children will be gathered in a large group for their RE time, preparing the Multigenerational Holiday Service Project activities in the Social Hall and Chalice Room. We will open the morning with a chalice lighting in which I will mention the tragedy in a general way, and then we will direct our attention to the work we are doing to build a compassionate and just community. Teachers will stay close by the children as we work, and will respond with love and redirect conversations if necessary.
As always, our goal is to be present, attentive and compassionate. When terrible things happen, regardless of our age, we need to be reminded that Love is steady and strong, there to hold us all. We can remind one another of our love and affection for one another. We can rededicate ourselves to accompanying one another, to caring for one another, come what may, through the complicated journey of life. 
I am appreciating the blessing of the coincidental timing of our Holiday Service Project tomorrow. Come, allow yourself to experience the refuge of our church community. Following the worship service, come downstairs to behold our beautiful children and youth and to work with them, side by side. Let your heart break a little more, and let it heal a little, too.
Please, let your church friends, me or our ministers know if you are in need of extra support. We will walk through this together.
Love,
Lauren

Love Abides

Often we are found in our grief and comforted
calmed by some kindness
brought alive again by beauty
that catches us undefended.

Even when the sun is most thin and far
even at the hour the storm is at its height
we can go through
renewal nest within sorrow
love abides, even beyond anger, beyond death.

We are held in an embrace invisible but infinite
moving with all creation
between wholeness and fragmentation
moving always toward the one.

Small joys and great sorrows pass
and we, with steps uncertain, move on
to whatever is next

but continually seen, heard, held
by Life infinite and remote, intimate and abiding.

Love, do not let us go.     Amen 

In Times of Tragedy

What Do We Tell Our Children? 

Thoughts from the Rev. Meg Riley
Director, UUA Washington Office
September 11, 200 1

What do we tell our children? 
We listen. We hold them. We tell them, "I love you." "Love is forever."

If they are very young, pre-school aged, tell them, "Parents and teachers keep children safe."

Listen. Hold them. Tell them, "I love you." "Love is forever."

If they are old enough to be aware that this happened, but not really to understand the specifics of what happened, ask them, "What do you think? How does your body feel?" Then listen to their specific feelings and reassure them. Don't answer questions they don't ask, but do listen for the questions behind the questions. They may want to be reassured that there are grownups who love them and will take care of them, no matter what. Tell them, "Let's not watch TV tonight; let's go to church and be with our people!"

Listen. Hold them. Tell them, "I love you." "Love is forever."

If they are old enough to understand the facts of what happened, and want to process why it happened, tell them that sometimes horrible things happen. Tell them that, while every person is inherently good, sometimes people get angry enough and scared enough to do very mean things that hurt other people. Tell them that we don't know yet who did this, and that it is important to respect all people while we take the time to figure it out. Tell them that a small group of individuals did this-not a religion, not a country, not a person who looks a particular way or has a particular kind of name. Tell them about a time when you were a child and you were afraid because of something scary that happened-the Cuban Missile Crisis, Three Mile Island, another tragedy. Ask them how they feel about what happened, and what they are wondering.

Listen. Hold them. Tell them, "I love you." "Love is forever."

If they know someone who lost parents or other loved ones in the tragedies, talk about what it means to support a friend. Remind them not to gossip, but to speak directly to their friend or acquaintance and acknowledge the loss.

Listen. Hold them. Tell them, "I love you." "Love is forever."

If they go in their room and slam the door and talk on the phone to their friends, if they say "It's no big deal. Why does everybody want to talk about this. We already talked about it all day at school" slip a note under their door.

Tell them, I am going to church now to be with people whom I love and trust. I wish you would come with me. I want to listen. I want to hold you. I want you to know I love you. I love you forever.

As parents, we want nothing more than to protect our children from pain, from fear, from harm. As parents, we know nothing is more impossible. How we handle our own grief and integrity will speak volumes to our children about how to be a human being in a troubled, broken, world. May we be worthy of this most sacred charge that has been given to us. Forever.